The Invisible Web

Your Trip Into the Chapel Perilous

wwe 2009 Draft Recap (Semi Up to Date)

Posted by invizweb on April 13, 2009

– The show opens with a recap of last week’s closing angle when Batista came out to make the save and joined the HHH/Shane team against Legacy for the match at Backlash, where the winning guy gets the belt.  What a fucking mouthful.

Opening Segment: Batista returns to little kids cheering.

– He calls out Randy after a recap of how he was put out of action.  Apparently his other injuries, which were mentioned at the time were retconend out.  The WWE Time Machine strikes again.  His words come out as hollow.

– Shane comes out to answer the challenge?  No.  He claims that he should get Randy since he, his dad, and sis were attacked.  He is so f’ing scripted.  He should also use Just For Men, Touch of Grey blend.

– HHH comes out and its a shit-eating contest as HHH claims everything is related to him somehow.

– Vickie comes out now.  He sets up a handicap match with HHH/Batista/Shane vs Cody Rhodes/Ted DBiase (Jr).  Why is the heel GM helping the faces?

Rey Mysterio (RAW) vs Evan Borne (ECW)

– If Even didn’t get an intro I would have thought this was a Superstars squash.

– Rey wins with a 619, and a Swan Dive.

***1. MVP (SD) drafted to RAW

Kane (RAW) vs The Brian Kendrick (SD)

– An even bigger squash.

– Kane kicks down Ezekial Jackson when he tries to protect his man.

– Kendrick begs off, groin kics Kane, and tries a failed a Sliced Bread/Shiranui/Skyfire.

Kane wins with a Chokeslam.

*** 2. The Big Show (SD) drafted to RAW

– Randy threatens Chavo and Vickie so she makes the 3 vs 2 handicap match more “special:”  if a Legacy member beats a McMahon team member then next week there will be a 3 on 1 match against the losing HHH team member.  How does this this really help the 3 on 2 situation?

– Swagger confronts Cena and Cena called the “All American American” a silly handle.  Has anyone told Cena that a wigger Honky Hop artist from upper class Newbury is more ridickulous than anything else.  5 Year-Olds give him way too much confidence. How pretentious.

Maryse, Natalya, Michelle McCool (SD) vs Melina, Mickie James, kelly Kelly (RAW)

– King opens with a joke about Todd Grisham showing Melina his stamp collection if she gets drafted.

– The ref plays Big John McCarthy and has Michelle and Micke start.

– Mickie looks awesome (instead of ane0rexic) tonight. Too bad she gets KOed by Michell’s boot and she comes off the top rope.

***3. Melina (RAW Womens’ Champ) drafted to SD

John Cena (RAW Champ) vs Jack Swagger (ECW Champ)

– Only intersting thing in the first 5 mins is that the ATL knows Swagger has more talent than Cena.

– Cena tries to end it quick with his “Attitude Adjustment” Death Valley Bomb but Swagger holds the ropes.

– Swagger nips Cena into the announce desk before the break.

– At 9:11 PM, Cena puts away Swagger with a STF.

*** 4. Matt Hardy (SD) drafted to RAW

*** 5. HHH (SD) drafted to RAW

– Edge jumps Cena but wscapes before Cena can counter.

– Randy addresses the troops. Cody and Ted says they will attempt to divide ther foes.

Santino Marrella (RAW) vs The Great Khali (SD)

– A recap is played of last week’s match in which, Santina beats Beth Phoenix.

– Beth appears in an awesome cape, and announces that if Santino loses then “Santina” must kiss Khali next week on the Kiss Cam.

– Khali squash with the Great Chop.

*** 6. CM Punk (RAW) drafted to SD

The Miz (ECW) vs Kofi Kingston (RAW)

-The Teacher is told to bury ECW by calling Kofi an ECW unknown.

– Kofi knocks down Miz with a Baseball Slide and then the Miz does so likewise.

– Miz nearly wins with a roll through from a Cross Body.

– Miz nearly wins with some Cravat Facebuster.

– This match is too long 😦 . Kofi win with DQ when Morison umped on the apron.

*** 7. The Miz (ECW) drafted to RAW andthen kills Nitro :(.

– I am guessing WWE payed some racist mark journalist to put John cena over Jackie Chan!! For reals?

MVP/ Shad/ JTG/ M ike Knox/ The Big Show (RAW) vs Finlay/ Tyson Kidd/ Paul Burchill/ Mark Henry/ Ricky Ortiz (ECW) vs Carlito/ Primo/ R-Truth/ Chavo Guerrero/ Edge (SD)

– Edge wins eliminating Show~!

** * 8. Kane (RAW) drafted to SD

*** 9. Chris Jercho (RAW) drafted to SD

Christian (ECW) vs Shelton Benjamin (SD)

– Christian’s new remix is awesome~!!

– Shelton counters the Kill Switch annd Christian tries an Electric Chair which, is counted.

– Cristian finally wins with the Kill Switch.

*** 10. Vladimir Kozlov (SD) drafted to ECW

– Team HHH tease distension back in the locker rom.

CM Punk (SD) vs Matt Hardy (RAW)

– Both tease their finishers early on.

– Matt hit Punk with a brutal Face Eraser type move.

– Jeff assaults Matt to give him a DQ win.

*** 11. Maryse (SD) drafted to RAW

Chris Jericho (SD) vs Tommy Dreamer (ECW)

– Grisham or Cole compared Dreamer to the Brooklyn Brawler.

– Dreamer got his Baseball Slide on Jericho.

– Jericho kills Dreamer with a Midair Counter Code Breaker.

*** 12. Rey Mysterio Jr. (RAW) drafted to SD

Final Score:

RAW 6 (MVP, The Big Show, Matt Hardy, HHH, The Miz, Maryse)

SD 5 (Melina, CM Punk, Kane, Chris Jericho, Rey Mysterio)

ECW 1 (Vladimir Kozlov)

Main Event: Cody Rhodes/ Ted DBiase (Jr) vs HHH/ Batista/ Shane McMahon

– Team HHH kept breaking up each other’s falls all match but HHH tagged to Batista near the finish.

– Batista hit the Batista Bomb and almost pinned Cody until Shane broke it up and HHH tagged himself in.

– Because Shane was angry Batista broke up one of his pins, he tackles the Animal allowing HHH to Pedigree Cody for the pin.  A Randy Orton on the amp staredown ensues.

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